You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog (again!). This was because seeing a name was actually somewhat triggering for my gender dysphoria. If you don’t know that I am transgender, I am, just so you are fully caught up. If you want to know where I got this new name from you can visit this page.
I am in the process of refocusing my blog a bit. I have had a lot of issues with what I call in my own life “permissions” or doing what I want to do. I will discuss this further in a blog post during July, as I am adding discussion posts to my schedule. Yes, I am going to have a schedule for every month. It will help me to focus up a bit more on what I want to do. I need it for where I am right now both mentally and emotionally. The gist that you need to know right now is that because I am trying to work through some stuff and make sure that this blog is what I want it to be, I am taking a break until July 1st. I need this for myself and also so that I can really get myself regularly doing the blog. This is a passion of mine, I have the domain and managed WordPress prepaid up until 2020, but I have been allowing issues that I have to impede me doing the blog in the ways that I want to do. This largely links up to issues I have with allowing others to tell me what to do. It is somewhat painful to talk about, but I will be doing this in the discussion posts, so that you all better understand what has been going on with me. I am doing this to try to open up my blog for more discussions than it has been. I love books, but I realize I need this to be more than just that. Of course, books will always be a part of this blog. I love to read, but I am adding to this, so that I can start to have other conversations about various things. I need this because in my life I have noticed that I have never allowed myself to have an opinion on much of anything. I need to utilize this blog to help me to form my own opinions. To share what I think, to share what I love, to share pieces of my own heart and soul with anyone that chooses to read my words.
I feel like I am only sharing a part of my soul with you right now because I have allowed this previously mentioned impediments to get in the way. These link up with some of the things that I discuss in my messy confessions videos that are here on the blog, but there is so much more to it as well. I have unwittingly allowed myself to be scared for a long time of the unknown. If I don’t fit a format, if I don’t fit into the book blogging formula people won’t read my blog. Now I am realizing, if that I have to stifle parts of me to be part of a community than I shouldn’t want to be a part of it. This is helping me to be more authentic in my mentality about blogging, but I need to allow myself to keep processing what started these discoveries. I need to make sure that it sticks with me this time around, so that I can keep allowing this blog to be something that I enjoy and that helps me to grow.
I want you to know that at times certain blog posts are going to be personal. I am not someone that talks about “trigger warnings”, so I will just say in advance that at times you may want to see what the discussion posts titles are. This will clue you in on the topic and if it is something you want to read or not. I want to be able to express myself and my views to the world. This is something that I have had a lot of issues with in my life because of so much. Family, friends, past abuses, past mistakes, past loves, past hates, and so much more. I need to get personal to process. I need to have a place to express my viewpoints so that I can start to recognize what is my actual views and my own opinions because I have been pushed into forming opinions based on others for a long time for safety concerns (both real and perceived safety based on the past). I want to blossom and not wither away. For this to happen, I have to start watering with healthy clear water, instead of toxic poisoned water. This means processing some really messed up crap and actually talking about it. I do this also to let others know that they are not alone. I know so many people have been through so much in their lives and I want you all to know that you are not alone. You are loved, even if I am not your best friend. I know how it feels to hurt and I will forever hold each of you dear in my heart for each of your individual pains.
I want you all to go on this journey with me, but I understand if you cannot do that. If you need to stop following my blog, I get it. Books will still be here, but I am just opening it up to more. I want to be able to discover myself, my loves, my hates, my passions, etc. The following is my tentative schedule for the blog:
This post is unedited and just my own stream of consciousness. I want to be as real as I can with you all. Thanks for reading today!